


We Can Throw A Party When I Get There

by haikyuu_fanfic_girl, Suga_m0mma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi doesn't deserve this, Akaashi's just an angsty boi, Akaashi's parents suck, Angst, Bokuto and Akaashi will be a thing just wait, Depressed Akaashi Keiji, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Abuse, Sad Akaashi Keiji, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, oh the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25246963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuu_fanfic_girl/pseuds/haikyuu_fanfic_girl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suga_m0mma/pseuds/Suga_m0mma
Summary: Akaashi lived in an abusive household for the first part of his life. He enrolled into Fukurodani High for a better education. His first year was a breeze. But his second year, with the high expectations of his parents, volleyball, and horrific notes coming from an unknown source, the stress starts to build. He starts to realize that his second year wouldn't be as easy as his first.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 1!  
> Don't hesitate to give me some tips!(Cause I could really use them lol)  
> ❤❤❤❤

Akaashi sighed as he dropped his bag onto the floor, "Bokuto-san, what did I say about leaving your dirty clothes on the floor?" Bokuto stomped into the room, " Not to. " He said, flopping himself onto the clothes. "Please pick them up, okay?" Akaashi sat in the chair by his desk, "Yeah, okay." It had only been one week and Bokuto had already filled the entire dorm with dirty clothes and trash. During Akaashi's first year, he would just pick it up for Bokuto, but this year he wanted Bokuto to learn to pick up after himself, it was Bokuto's third year, after all. Akaashi closed his eyes. Classes today were a real pain, and he still hadn't done his homework. Calculus, History, Biology. Three assignments, not so bad. It's better than seven. "Akaaasshhhhiiiiiiiiii, wake uuuuupp." Akaashi opened his eyes, "Yes, Bokuto-san?" Bokuto gestured at the dirty laundry free floor in front of him, "Ta-da!!" Akaashi smiled, "Great job Bokuto-san, thank you for cleaning up the laundry." Akaashi closed his eyes again. "AKAASHIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!" Bokuto yelled. 

Akaashi opened one eye, "Yes, Bokuto-san?" Bokuto had his face close to Akaashi's, too close. "Bokuto-san, what did I say about personal space bubbles?" Akaashi asked, "Don't get to close or you'll pop them." Bokuto sighed. "Good, now what do you need?" Bokuto perked up, "Helpp mee with my, hooommmeeeewwwoooorrrrkkkk!!" Bokuto sang. Akaashi opened his other eye, he'd almost forgotten about that. Another thing on his schedule,

-Help Bokuto-san with his homework.

"Okay, grab your stuff please. " Akaashi grabbed his homework from his backpack too, then sat on the floor. Bokuto and Akaashi weren't in the same classes, so Akaashi would have to do his homework after Bokuto, but maybe he could look over it and see what was going on. Bokuto sat down next to him, "Akaashi, you didn't do your homework?" Bokuto asked. Akaashi shook his head, "No, but I'll do it later, right now, what do you need help with?" Bokuto pouted, "But what if you don't get your homework done? It'll be all my fault." Oh for the love of God, please don't go into emo mode. Akaashi thought. "Bokuto-san, I pinkie promise I'll get it done." Akaashi said, wrapping his pinkie around Bokuto's. Bokuto grinned, and started to point out things he didn't understand on the worksheet. It took until 7:40 p.m. to finish Bokuto's homework, now all Akaashi had to do was his own. 

"Thanks Akaashi." Bokuto said as he got up to put his homework into his bag. Akaashi had looked over the problems while he was helping Bokuto, they seemed pretty easy, and they were. Akaashi easily got the first sheet done within 10 minutes. All that was left was Biology and History. All history went over was the Black plague, some vocabulary, and some important people during the time. Biology was just writing a paragraph about what Akaashi wanted to learn throughout his second year. Easy. Bokuto plopped down beside Akaashi, "Do you need help Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, Akaashi looked at Bokuto, he really wanted to help. Akaashi gave in, "Actually, yes, Bokuto-san. I don't understand how exactly the Black plague began." Akaashi could feel Bokuto's excitement. He happily answered and got up to do a happy dance "I..helped.....Akaaaaaassshi!" He sang while prancing around the room. 

Akaashi finished up his history and biology homework, then put them into his bag. He checked the clock 8:03. Bokuto was laying on his bed, tired from all the happy dancing. "A-all done A-Akaashi?" Bokuto asked. Akaashi nodded, "Would you like to go to bed, Bokuto-san?" This time Bokuto nodded. He laid under his comforter. Akaashi said goodnight and left the dorm. He was kinda hungry. He fished a dollar out of his pocket and jogged over to the vending machine. He had to be fast and get back before Bokuto noticed he was gone. He put in the dollar and pressed B, then 7. Cheetos. He grabbed the bag and ran back upstairs to the dorm. He silently unlocked the door and turned the knob, only to see Bokuto out of bed, watching a movie with a bunch of snacks.. How did he do that so quickly? He even had a tent! Akaashi was only gone for less than 5 minutes, so how? Bokuto saw Akaashi and grinned, holding up his own bag of Cheetos. "Bokuto-san, when and how?" Akaashi asked. Bokuto leaned back, showing Akaashi another human buried in a pile of food. He was also grinning at Akaashi. Akaashi hadn't seen Kuroo in a while. Not since last volleyball season.

"Hi Kuroo." He said. Kuroo paused the movie. Akaashi walked over and sat down. "Okay, first of all, where did the tent come from?" Kuroo raised his hand, "Snacks" Kuroo's hand was still up, "Okay, well where did he come from?" Bokuto and Kuroo both pointed to the window. "Were on the second floor!" They were still pointing to the window smiling. Akaashi got up and walked toward the window. A rope, made of...clothes?

"Bokuto-san." Akaashi started, "Yeah Akaashi?" Bokuto replied. "Is this...where all of your dirty clothes went?" Bokuto smiled proudly, "Mhm." Akaashi walked back over and sat down, "That's gross." Bokuto and Kuroo laughed. Akaashi heard knocking at the door, "I'll get it" he said. He turned the handle and opened the door, immediately being pushed from behind. He heard the door shut behind him. 

He began feeling around his pockets, looking for the key. Kuroo must have taken it. Who was at the door anyway? Akaashi turned around. A small boy with pudding hair playing a game. "You don't have the key I'm guessing?" He said, Akaashi shook his head, " So, why did you come here?" Akaashi asked. "To retrieve Kuroo. That's all." Akaashi nodded and started knocking on the door "Hey Kuroo, Bokuto-san, let me back in, someone's here for you Kuroo." All he heard was laughing. The boy shrugged and walked away " I'll just get him tomorrow " he mumbled. Now Akaashi was alone, lights-out was soon, so it would be dark. Akaashi hated the dark. He wanted back into the dorm. "Come on guys, let me in." He said, knocking once again, softer this time, because he didn't want to disrupt anyone's sleeping. 

He sat down by the door, they weren't gonna answer it. Akaashi closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. He had a short dream. One that he couldn't remember when he woke up. How late was it? Or how early? It was dark. Akaashi squeezed his eyes shut, he was still outside the dorm. He opened his eyes, looking around for a clock. It was pitch black. He saw a feint red light coming from his left side, it was a clock. Its numbers read 2:17. Obviously in the morning. Still, Akaashi was terrified. "B-Bokuto-san?" He asked, knocking on the door. "A-Are you s-still awake?" Nobody answered, "Bo-Bokuto-san, hey, l-let me in." Akaashi wanted to lay down and go to sleep as quickly as possible. A sleepy Bokuto opened the door "Sorry Akaashi, forgot about you." He said smiling and yawning at the same time. "Yeah whatever. It was really cold out there, just so you know." But that wasn't the reason Akaashi was shaking. 

Akaashi jumped into his bed only to be pushed back off by a lump under the covers. "Kuroo?" He asked. Bokuto nodded. Akaashi sighed, at least the lights were on in here. He laid on the floor, not very comfortable, but that was okay. He needed a little more sleep before he started his day. "Akaashi, you can sleep in my bed if you want." Bokuto whispered. "No thank you Bokuto-san, that bed is for you, I'll be fine here." Akaashi closed his eyes before Bokuto turned the lights off. Soon after he was asleep again. Akaashi woke up once again, it was still dark, he ran over to the light switch and turned it on. Luckily, both Bokuto and Kuroo were asleep. He looked at the clock on his desk 5:37 in the morning.

That meant he should probably wake up the others. "Hey, guys, wake up." Akaashi said softly, "You guys need to wake up. Kuroo, you need to go back to your school before it's too late." He shook Bokuto's bed first, no response. He pulled up the covers, pillows, a Bokuto made of pillows, it had a smiley face and everything. Akaashi started to panic, he checked for Kuroo, also pillows. "Are you guys here?" Akaashi asked the empty room, panicked. No response. "This better not be a p-prank." He started to stutter. He checked the bathroom. No. The closet, no one there either. Maybe he's taking Kuroo back to his school. Yeah, that's it. Akaashi started to get ready, put on his uniform and grabbed his school bag. It was still only 6:00. Akaashi started to get worried. Bokuto was gone for almost 30 minutes, what was taking him so long? They had volleyball practice at 7:30 this morning! 

Volleyball. That's it. Akaashi ran out the door, this time remembering his key, only to find Bokuto outside the door, asleep. Akaashi smiled, the gym wasn't it, but at least he found Bokuto. Kuroo must have left already. Akaashi unlocked and opened the door, picked up Bokuto, and carefully laid him on his bed. He grabbed the dirty clothes rope and brought it back into the room. He untied it and took it to the laundry room. Then he left the building quickly to get a rope from the store. One that could hold Kuroo. 

He ended up walking out with a rope ladder and an owl pencil, eraser, and paperweight set for Bokuto. He ran back to the building, signed in, and back to his dorm. He connected the rope ladder to the window, then left for the laundry room. He switched the laundry to the dryer and ran back to his room. He grabbed the owl materials and put them into Bokuto's backpack, organizing it in the process. The he cleaned the room up. He checked the clock, 6:44. He was cutting it pretty close. "Bokuto-san. Bokuto-san wake up. Volleyball practice is in 15 minutes we have to hurry." They always started practicing 30 minutes before everyone to warm up and work on things they didn't in regular practice. 

Bokuto opened his eyes and looked around at the clean room. "Where's Kuroo and the tent?" He asked. "I think Kuroo's back at Nekoma, and the tent is in the closet. Now take a shower Bokuto-san, I'll be back in a minute." Akaashi ran out of the room as Bokuto nodded his head. The clothes were dry. He shoved them into the laundry basket and took off. Once he was in the dorm room, he started folding and putting away the clothes. "Akaashi!!" Bokuto yelled from the shower. "Yes, Bokuto-san?" " I forgot clothes! "Akaashi sighed, of course he did. He grabbed some clothes from Bokuto's dresser and laid them in the bathroom. "Be quick Bokuto-san. I'll meet you in the gym, okay?" Akaashi said to the shower. "Mhm." Bokuto replied, and Akaashi left. 

He didn't realize how tired he was until he stopped running around. He opened the club room door and went inside to change. He came back out at 6:50, ready for volleyball practice. Bokuto wasn't there yet. Akaashi walked inside and found Kuroo. So he was half right this morning. "What are you doing here?" Akaashi asked. Kuroo shrugged. "You're supposed to be at Nekoma right now Kuroo." Akaashi wondered when the pudding haired boy would come back. "Kenma hasn't come yet." Kuroo sighed. Kenma, I'm guessing that's the pudding haired boy. Akaashi walked over to Kuroo and sat next to him. "But why are you in the gym?" Kuroo looked at Akaashi, " because when i left to get some breakfast this morning, SOMEBODY took away the rope! " Akaashi wondered if he should've apologized. "Yeah, sorry. But it's back now, so you can climb back into the room if you want to." Akaashi answered. Kuroo nodded a thanks and left. 

Akaashi started to gather everything for volleyball practice. He put up the nets and brought out the balls. Everything was ready. 6:56, what was taking Bokuto so long? Akaashi decided to check on him. He ran up the stairs to save time and pulled the key from his pocket. He started to open the door. "Come on Bokuto-san it almost time fo-" Akaashi shut the door quickly and started running back to the gym, swearing to himself that he did not see what he thought he just saw. But deep down he knew exactly what he saw. He saw Kuroo and Bokuto, which, usually wouldn't be an unusual sight to see. It had to be a lighting trick, Akaashi lied to himself. But he knew, he knew exactly what happened.

Deep down, despite the lies he told himself, he knew exactly what he saw. He knew that he saw Bokuto kissing Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onto chapter 2 ehehee


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH WOW CHAPTER 2 ALREADY?  
> Yup, enjoy my friends! :D

Akaashi made it to the gym and grabbed a ball. What did he just see? No, he knew what he saw, but why did he have to see it? Was that why Kuroo was pouting in the gym? Was that why Kuroo even came over to the dorm? Akaashi didn't want to think about it. He tried to shake away the memory. But it was already deeply carved into his head. He tossed the ball into the air, preparing to serve it. The ball came down, he hit it. Right over the net. A normal serve, not nearly as good as Bokuto's. He walked over to the other side of the net to grab the ball. 

"AKAAASSHHHHIIIIIIIIII!" Bokuto screamed, running towards Akaashi, flailing his arms. "Calm down Bokuto-san, it's only 7:00, people are still asleep." Akaashi whispered, putting his finger to his lips. "I swear Akaashi, I swear, I swear that wasn't what you think it was I swear!" Bokuto quietly yelled. "Oh, you mean you and Kuroo? Don't worry I already forgot about it." Akaashi said, deciding to force a smile. "Will you tell anyone?" Bokuto whispered in a worried tone. Akaashi shook his head, "No, Bokuto-san, I won't." He took Bokuto's pinkie and wrapped it around his, "I pinkie promise." Bokuto grinned, "Thanks Akaashi, you're the best!" Akaashi nodded his head, although, right now, he didn't feel the best. 

Maybe it was just from all the running around this morning. He picked up the ball he served, then walked over to the other side of the court. Bokuto and Kuroo, why hadn't Akaashi known? He was happy for them, at least, that's what he told himself. Deep down he felt some sort of hatred. Akaashi was unsure of where it was coming from. He pushed it aside as best as he could, and began to practice serving again. "Akaashi?" Bokuto walked over to where Akaashi was, "Can you help me with my spikes?" Akaashi nodded, grabbing the ball rolling towards him and walking towards the net. "Ready Bokuto-san?" Bokuto nodded. He threw the ball to Akaashi, then Akaashi set it up, and Bokuto slammed it down across the court. 

"Let's try a straight, Bokuto-san, you need to work on those a little bit." Akaashi said, looking behind him, at the spot Bokuto was supposed to be. No one there, Bokuto was already at the other side of the court, grabbing the ball. Wow, that was pretty fast. Akaashi thought. He had just spiked the ball, then he was on the other side of the court. "Good idea Akaashi!" Bokuto ducked back under the net and got into position. He threw the ball up to Akaashi, then Akaashi set him up for a straight. Bokuto hit the ball pretty straight, until the end, when it curved and landed out of the court. 

"Aww that was so close!" Bokuto pulled on his hair. "Good job Bokuto-san, you almost got it, let's try again." Akaashi patted Bokuto on the back. Bokuto gave him a thumbs up before he went to get the ball. Akaashi looked at the clock, only 7:04, still, their teammates would be there anytime now. "Akaashi, come on, we gotta be fast before everyone else gets here!" Bokuto sighed, "Stop looking at the clock and let's go!" Akaashi nodded, "Sorry Bokuto-san, let's go." Akaashi kept setting him up for straights until 7:18, when their first teammate came in, "Bokuto-san, that's all for today, okay?" Bokuto gave Akaashi a big smile, "Yeah! Time for practice! Hey hey hey!" He yelled, lifting his arms up and doing a weird little dance. 

Akaashi decided not to ask. "Akaashi, you do it too." Bokuto turned to face Akaashi. "Do what?" Akaashi asked, although he shouldn't have. Bokuto smiled, practically glowing with excitement, he recited the line once again, but louder, "HEY HEY HEY!" He screamed. Akaashi mentally screamed, he'd rather not waste his energy on screaming when he had to save it up for practice, "Hey. Hey. Hey." He said, rather unenthusiastically. " Akaashi, louder! " Bokuto sighed, "You're supposed to be loud, and raise your arms like this!" Akaashi sighed and shook his head, "No Bokuto-san, that's your thing. I don't hey, hey, hey like you." Akaashi decided to throw a little compliment in too, "You're the best hey, hey, hey-er out there." 

Bokuto turned back around, "I am, aren't I?" He laughed, " HEY HEY HEY! " He screamed once more. Akaashi smiled, unlike the rest, this one wasn't fake. He quickly realized, and formed his face back into the normal stoic expression. The rest of the team filed into the gym, ready for practice. Bokuto began with warm-ups. Then they practiced their serves, their receives, theirs spikes, their sets, then they ended their practice at 9:15 with some laps around the gym. Akaashi and the rest of the team ran to the club room, as always. With school starting at 9:30, they only had 15 minutes to get into their uniforms and get to class. Even if they had P.E. Students would have to arrive in their uniforms, then change in the locker rooms. 

Akaashi had gotten changed and out of the club room. Now all he had to do was switch his school bag with his volleyball bag and head to class. Back up the stairs and to the dorm, he saw the pudding haired boy again. Kenma. "Hey, are you here to pick up Kuroo? Sorry, we had practice." He told Kenma. "No big deal, just bring him out here, kay?" Akaashi nodded his head and opened the door. The dorm was trashed, the tent back out, wrappers all over the floor, Bokuto's homework scattered across his desk. 

Akaashi looked around for Kuroo, and found him, once again, sleeping in his bed. He shook the sleeping lump and told him that Kenma was here for him. Kuroo rolled out of bed and put on his shoes, leaving Akaashi in the trashed room. Akaashi started to clean it up, telling Bokuto to clean it up would be wrong, since it wasn't his mess this time. He folded the tent back up, reorganized Bokuto's backpack, and threw the wrappers in the trash can. With the room clean, once again, Akaashi grabbed his school bag and set off to his first class.

Meanwhile, in the gym...

"Kuroo, I don't know what to do. Akaashi saw us and now he thinks we're... Well, y'know, together. " Bokuto pouted, pointing to himself and Kuroo. Kuroo put his hand on Bokuto's shoulder, "It will be okay. Bro, what did you say to him afterwards?" Kuroo asked. Bokuto scratched his head for a second. His eyes widened. "What? What did you say Bokuto?" Kuroo stepped closer to him. "Oh god." Bokuto put his hand over his mouth, "I- I asked him...not to t-tell anyone." Bokuto sat down on the bench. Why did he say that? Of all things! He could've said that it was a test, he could've said that they accidentally bumped into each other. So why, of all things, did he ask Akaashi to keep it to himself? God he was so stupid! Now Akaashi thought he was with Kuroo. He only said that because he didn't want Akaashi to know the real reason. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! If only he had told Akaashi why he did it, why he kissed Kuroo! Why did he have to mess it up like that? Why did he have to lie? 

"Bokuto why?!? Of all the things you could've said, you had to go and say that?" Kuroo yelled, "That was stupid Bokuto, so stupid! Are you telling me that you couldn't come up with a better lie?" " Calm down Kuroo, Akaashi might hear you. " Kenma said. "Sorry" Kuroo whispered, walking over to Kenma and kissing him on the head. Kenma blushed. Bokuto felt left out, why couldn't Akaashi love him the same way Kuroo and Kenma did each other? He always told Bokuto to clean up his messes and to stay away from him. It hurt Bokuto, Akaashi never let him within one foot of himself. Why was Akaashi so mean? Was Bokuto really that unlikable? 

Bokuto laid his head in his hands, he couldn't remember a single time when he wasn't nice to Akaashi, so why didn't Akaashi like him? Why was Akaashi mean to him? Was Bokuto too nice? Not nice enough? Bokuto snapped his fingers, he had figured it out. Kuroo looked at him and smiled, he knew exactly what was going on. He gestured to the door, and Kenma followed him out. Bokuto had finally realized, he had finally figured it out, in order for Akaashi to like him, Bokuto would have to be more helpful. He'd have to do the things Akaashi did for him, he'd have to do his own laundry, clean up after himself without being told to, he'd have to wake up on his own, and do his homework without Akaashi's help. In order to do that, he'd have to pay attention in class. 

Speaking of class... "Oh no! I'm gonna be late!" Bokuto ran out of the gym as quickly as he could, and up the stairs, into the dorm to change into his uniform. 9:23, 7 minutes, he had some time, he could make it. Bokuto thought to himself as he ran: I will make sure to do my part now, Bokuto thought, I'll do everything myself now. I'll let Akaashi have time to do things he wants to do. Oh, 9:27 already? Fast, gotta run faster or I'll be late! Urghhh!! But I'll pay attention now. And Akaashi won't need to help me anymore. I'll do it all by myself! He jumped up, pushing his fist into the air, "Yeah! Hey! Hey! Hey!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a a tasty chapter!  
> lol onto chapter 3!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! LOOK! Another chapter!  
> Number 3 enjoy!!

"Hmm, I wonder if Bokuto-san made it to class, I should've stayed there and waited for him." Akaashi thought, he did worry about Bokuto, but for some reason, when he was in the dorm, he felt the memory come back to him. The hatred he had felt before had begun to rise inside of him, especially after he saw Kuroo, once again, laying in his bed. He looked at the board, and wrote down his notes, "there's a counseling lesson in Calculus today, so I won't need to bring my notes." Akaashi thought to himself as he packed up his Biology notes.

The bell rang, and Akaashi walked off to his next class, P.E. As Akaashi, once again, started to change in the locker room, he realized that Bokuto wasn't there. Of all the classes, this was the only one they had together. Which was why this was the class he looked forward to the most. But not today, he didn't want to see Bokuto, it would only remind him of what he didn't want to be reminded of. Akaashi put his volleyball bag into his locker, making sure he hadn't put on his kneepads. He hadn't. Then, he walked out of the locker room and into the gym. 

Their gym teacher told them that they were going to start testing today. Starting with the first stages, push-ups, and curl-ups. "Find a partner to keep your score." The gym teacher had told them. Usually, Akaashi would partner with Bokuto, but he wasn't there. It wasn't like Akaashi needed him anyways. He'd find someone else. Bokuto obviously had better things to do. What was Akaashi saying? Why was he acting like Bokuto was off with Kuroo again? Was he? Akaashi didn't want to know. "Does anyone else need a partner?" The gym teacher called, Akaashi raised his hand, and so did another boy. He was small, with black hair almost the same as Akaashi's. There was no way he was over 5'6". 

Akaashi remembered seeing him in Calculus a couple days ago, but he couldn't remember his name. The boy jogged over to Akaashi, "Hey, looks like we're partners." The boy said. Akaashi nodded his head. "I'll go first!" The boy sat down, positioning himself for a curl-up. "We're doing push-ups first." Akaashi told him. The boy turned around, laying on his stomach, "Right, I knew that." Akaashi looked at the boy, he looked kind of nervous. "Are you nervous?" The boy nodded, " Well, don't be, there's nothing to be nervous about. It's just a test. The only thing you're doing right now is push-ups, I'll be counting. Just keep your mind on push-ups, okay? " The boy nodded, Akaashi hoped that would make him less nervous. 

The test began, first, the automatic voice explained what to do, then, began. "Up...down, 1. Up...down, 2" and so on. The boy was able to make it to 28, which wasn't bad, considering only Bokuto could make it past 50. Next was Akaashi, he wasn't as strong as Bokuto, but he was stronger than the boy. He was able to manage 37 push-ups, not his best, actually, his worst. For some reason, Akaashi did better with Bokuto counting. Maybe that was because he felt as though he had to prove to Bokuto that he was strong as well, although he really wasn't, at least, he didn't think he was. The boy walked over to the gym teacher, "twenty-seven." 

He said, Akaashi raised an eyebrow, he clearly remembered getting 37, why did the boy say 27? The boy grinned at Akaashi, "Next time, pick your partners better. I never let my partners beat me." Ah, so that was it, that was why the boy never had a partner. He would be a difficult one to deal with. Suddenly, Akaashi wished for Bokuto, unlike the small boy, he never lied about Akaashi's score. Never added one, never subtracted one. Where was he? Why was Akaashi even thinking of him? Why was Akaashi always thinking about him? He knew Bokuto didn't like to miss P.E. He wouldn't even skip P.E to hang out with Kuroo. Something had to be holding him up.

Meanwhile...Wherever Bokuto is...

"Come on!" Bokuto yelled at the professor, "You're making me miss P.E. There's testing today!" The professor shook his head, " you were late, so you have to do this worksheet. " Bokuto groaned, "Can't I do this after school, I have to do the testing! When else can I do it? When am I gonna make it up?" The teacher shushed him, pointing at the worksheet. "Stupid teacher, I was one minute late. Only one minute! Why does he do this to me? Okay, chemistry, what happens when you mix these two elements? How am I supposed to know? Is it baking soda and vinegar, because I know what happens when you mix those. Whatever. Water, carbon hydrogen... HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK??? Ooh! I know what water is made of! Why aren't any of these questions from my notes? Maybe I can ask Akaashi for help. No, I need to do this myself. "Bokuto's head wouldn't stop filling with different scenarios. Each one starting with him asking Akaashi to help him with his homework, and ending with Akaashi hating his guts. Bokuto decided to do his worksheet on his own whenever he had the time. "Bokuto, please leave the class, my students are trying to work, but I expect to see this worksheet in my hands, finished, by tomorrow." Bokuto nodded his head, packed up his notes, and made a run for it, hopefully he wasn't too late.

Back in the gym...

Akaashi looked at the boy. He looked kind, and he seemed kind, at first. He seemed so nervous as well. Was it all an act? Was the small one really like that? Why? Akaashi couldn't help but wonder. 56...57...58, Akaashi counted in his head, even if the automatic voice said it for him, Bokuto always asked Akaashi to count for him in his head, just in case he missed one. The boy managed to finish the curl-ups test with a score of 67, which was not that bad, the test only went to 80, Bokuto was the only one who got 80 on both tests, only a few, including Akaashi, could reach 80 in the curl-ups test. When Akaashi was finished, with a score of 80, the boy walked up to the coach, and told him the score. "Eighty." He said. Which confused Akaashi almost more than, well, more than anything, actually. He sat up and looked around, all eyes were on him. 

This wasn't unusual, every testing day, when Bokuto went, all eyes were on him and Akaashi, because the students were amazed by the amount of strength he had, and so was Akaashi. Bokuto was pretty strong. Still, why didn't the boy take off his score this time? He looked at the coach, was Akaashi being watched by all of them? It had only been half an hour, but Akaashi felt as though it had been half a week. The eyes were burning holes into him. Another thing Akaashi hated was being stared at. It made him feel uncomfortable and awkward. He'd ask himself questions, like, "why are they staring at me?" , "Is there something on my face?" , " are they judging me? "Akaashi couldn't take the staring. 

He looked at the boy, who was scowling at him as if he wanted to take off points but Akaashi forced him to tell the truth. Oh... Problem, solved. The boy could've deducted Akaashi's score, but he would've been called out for it, because everyone saw Akaashi get 80. "Hey hey hey! Have no fear, you owl in shining armour is here!" Bokuto yelled while walking through the gym door. Akaashi breathed a sigh of relief, impeccable timing, as usual. "Bokuto you missed the testing." The gym teacher yelled back, interrupting Bokuto's moment of glory. "Yeah, sorry bout that, I was late to class and I had to stay after to finish a worksheet. Is there any way I can make it up right now?" The coach nodded, "Yeah, why not? We have half an hour that was supposed to be dedicated to dodge ball, but it seems like one person will have to count for Bokuto, any volunteers?" 

No one raised their hand, Akaashi sighed, no one wanted to do it because he'd make them look bad, but Akaashi was used to it, he raised his hand, although he didn't want to look at Bokuto, listen to Bokuto, or talk to Bokuto, he might go into one of his emo modes again. "Yeah, I'll do it." He said. Bokuto smiled at him, no matter how angry he was, Bokuto's smile always made him feel fluffy inside, to the point where there was no room left for his anger. Because Akaashi couldn't be mad at something so adorable. Bokuto readied himself in a push-up formation and began, he reached 80, Akaashi didn't even have to walk up to the coach. If Akaashi was as strong as Bokuto, no one could lie about his scores. He and Bokuto would be equals. Akaashi wouldn't feel inferior to him. Next, curl-ups. 80 again. As usual, Bokuto finished both, no sweat. 

Bokuto's strength always seemed to impress him, not only his strength, but everything in Bokuto's life.seemed to impress him, and at.the same time, make him feel less worthy of such a friend. Bokuto had everything that he didn't. Everyone in the school worshipped him, he was so strong, and he had someone who loved him too. The hatred bubbled in the bottom of his stomach again as the memory came back to his head, Akaashi wasn't thinking about hiding his emotions at this point, he was thinking of Bokuto and Kuroo. The could've at least told him what they were doing, Bokuto noticed this anger, pointing it out t Akaashi, "Hey Akaashi, what's wrong?" Bokuto asked, "Lie, Akaashi lie. What's a good lie? Aha, got it!" Akaashi thought, " Nothing, Bokuto-san, just thinking of classes after this. " 

Bokuto looked at him for a second, then laughed, "That's funny! Akaashi you don't like class? You'd think someone as smart as you would love class!" Bokuto pointed at Akaashi, laughing. Akaashi put his finger to his lips, "Shhh, Bokuto-san quiet down, you are being very loud." Bokuto shrunk down, " Sorry" he whispered. They joined the game of dodge ball and played until class was over. Now all that was left: 5 more excruciatingly boring classes. Calculus with the black haired boy was his 5th period. Right now, he had Health, which is pretty much just a class that talks about what to do in the future if you're sick, and pretty much just how to take care of yourself. Akaashi learned all this when he was younger, since his father was a doctor. But this class was a good break, even though he had a break period right after health, which was his lunch hour. 

Bokuto had to make his lunch hour in 5th period, since it went better with his schedule. For lunch, Akaashi sat at his own little table in the corner of the room, nobody liked that table because there were spiders in the corner, but Akaashi didn't mind the spiders, they left him alone because he left them alone. After lunch, he went on to calculus, bringing his notes for a just in case situation. But it turned out that he didn't need them after all, because the counselor was there, with a slideshow ready and everything. 

Akaashi sat down in his seat, putting his backpack next to his chair. He saw the boy sitting next to him. "Hello everyone, welcome to this week's counseling lesson. Today we're going to be talking about coming out. I know not all of you need to know about this, but we will still be going over respect for LGBTQ+ as well."

"Now, I know being gay, or bisexual, or lesbian, may sound pretty hard, everyone makes it sound so much worse than it actually is. Here, we accept the LGBTQ+ community, because no matter what gender you are attracted to, you are still human and you don't deserve to be treated harshly just because you don't like the opposite gender. And that's why I'm here, to help you accept yourself and your sexuality. I know telling someone you're gay or lesbian or transgender may feel hard at times, but you just have to learn to be confident in yourself, okay? " 

Without Akaashi knowing, the boy leaned over to Akaashi's partially unzipped backpack, which the boy himself had unzipped during the first part.of the presentation. He pushed a crumpled piece of paper into it, slowly zipping it back up, careful not to make a sound.  
"Maybe, first, you can tell a friend. Although it would be better to tell your parents first, if you think.that they wouldn't accept you, tell a friend, or me. I'm always up to helping you all. Akaashi had heard this before. His parents talked to him about it a while ago. He knew how to treat the LGBTQ+ community, and he knew that he wasn't gay. So to him, this lecture was just another break, the third one today. That being said, he still decided to listen to what she had to say.

"Now, some people hate the idea of LGBTQ+ and the people within the group, but that's wrong. You need to accept the community. Say you walk into a room and see two people of the same gender hugging or kissing," Akaashi remembered again. Why did every class remind him of that stupid memory? This wasn't going to be a very peaceful break after all. "what do you do? You don't say ew, you don't say gross, and don't think it either, because it's wrong. Don't yell at them to get a room, don't make a face and run away, because that hurts their feelings." Akaashi frowned, that was exactly what he did.

He ran away from them when Bokuto and Kuroo kissed, does that make him a homophobe? He didn't mean to, he just hated what he saw. He was angry, he was mad, he was... a homophobe? Why was he a homophobe? Akaashi didn't understand. He was never a homophobe until this year, how could Bokuto change that? He's not special! At least, that's what Akaashi kept telling himself, that's what he wanted to believe. Why did he run away? What forced him to do it? It was unexpected, that was why, right? That had to be it. He was perfectly fine with all relationships. So why wasn't he okay with Bokuto's?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scrumptious lol  
> Onto the next chapter!!! Be ready for chapter 4!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just look at this brand new chapter!!   
> Enjoy my dudes.

After class ended, Akaashi headed to his 6th period, of all the classes he went to, none of them gave out homework. But Akaashi knew that History would give out homework, it always did, probably more worksheets on the Black plague. More notes too. Another lecture, another set of notes, and only one homework assignment, Akaashi felt good. Less work to do gave him more free time, with the exception of helping Bokuto with his homework. Akaashi wouldn't forget this time. But still, maybe he could check up on the next calculus lesson, learn about it beforehand, so he wouldn't have to worry about it. Not that he'd have to anyway, calculus was a piece of cake.

As Akaashi had predicted, history had given out more review on the Black plague. Only three questions, with time to do it in class as well. Because of this lucky break, Akaashi now had no homework, leaving him with at least an hour of free time, depending on how much homework Bokuto had. The last class he had was the college prep class. There was rarely ever homework in that class. All they did was search up colleges, and figure out their plans for the future. Akaashi already knew, he'd be a teacher. A pretty boring job, to be honest, but Akaashi had to put his knowledge to use. 

Of course, if Bokuto wanted him to, he'd also play volleyball in college. Akaashi wouldn't mind. Bokuto would be there on a sports scholarship, considering they even went to the same college. Akaashi wasn't quite sure what college he'd go to, which was why he was thankful for his last class. He had so many choices, he had to go over them all before he chose one. He had to find one with the best, well, everything. Best dorms, best professors, anything and everything. In order to do that, he had to inspect every college, because he might just find a college with everything he wanted and more. He wouldn't find that college if he didn't look through them all.

After a full hour of looking through colleges, Akaashi had looked through not even 1/16 of the colleges. But it was time to return to his dorm. he had to help Bokuto with his homework and read over the next calculus lesson. Bokuto. Akaashi remembered in the gym, the boy lying about Akaashi's score. If he'd gotten 80 like Bokuto, nobody would be able to lie about his scores. But he wasn't strong, at least, not strong enough.

Akaashi unlocked and opened the door to a rare sight. Bokuto was at his desk, working on something. Akaashi walked into the dorm, setting his bag next to his desk. "Need any help Bokuto-san?" He asked, Bokuto didn't respond. Akaashi walked over to his desk, looking over his shoulder, a chemistry worksheet, he looked at the questions. Not too hard for Akaashi, but there was no way Bokuto could do it. Those were college questions. Yet Bokuto was almost finished with the paper. "Bokuto-san, do you need help? I can help you if you want." Bokuto shook his head, "No, sorry Akaashi, I don't need your help."

Ow. Bokuto didn't even look up from his worksheet, he didn't give Akaashi one of his smiles. The ones that made him feel happy and made his stomach flop. The kind that made him feel so fluffy and warm inside that he felt sick. "Hey Bokuto-san, are you okay? You're not smiling very much." Akaashi decided to be upfront about it. He really wanted to see one of Bokuto's adorable smiles again. "Yeah Akaashi I'm fine, I'm just trying to do my homework, okay?" Bokuto replied, sounding rather angry and annoyed. "Sorry Bokuto-san. I'll leave you to it." Bokuto huffed. Akaashi grabbed his backpack and key, then left the dorm.

"A quiet place to study would be..." Akaashi whispered to himself, "the library." He took a right, towards the room filled top to bottom with books. He sat at one of the tables. Akaashi looked around the room, so many books, how did they get them all? It would be quite a hustle to keep this place clean. So many bookshelves, it would have to get pretty dusty. And putting the books away would be even harder. How could you even find where they went? Akaashi unzipped his backpack, pulling out his calculus book. A small crumpled piece of paper fell out along with it. "That's weird" Akaashi thought to himself, "I don't remember leaving a crumpled piece of paper in my backpack like that. I wonder what it is?" He unfolded the paper, smoothing it out on the table. 

In big, dark letters, the note spelled out:

W A T C H Y O U R B A C K 

Akaashi started to panic. He didn't remember being on anyone's bad side. Or anyone's good side. He didn't even have friends. He didn't have enemies. Who would write such a thing? His eyes wide, he scanned the room, looking for some kind of trace of a murder. Watch your back? On top of having to deal with a cranky Bokuto, he'd have to deal with a possible death threat. He felt like crying. All this stress being placed onto him layer by layer. Kuroo, Bokuto, classes, college, impress mom, impress dad, be the best, be stronger, be smarter, make friends, clean up after Bokuto, lights out, volleyball practice, and now, a death threat. He just wanted a break.

Akaashi didn't care. This person could kill him if they wanted to. After all, Akaashi himself had been thinking of doing it anyways, sometime down the road. Still, he had to study, so he decided to put his book and the crumpled paper back into his bag. He checked the shelves of the library for a book to read. He hadn't read anything but textbooks for the past week. He found a book about owls, "I bet Bokuto-san would love this." He said to himself before bringing it to the counter to check out. Leaving the library , a book in one hand, his backpack in the other, he headed back to his dorm.

"Watch your back." A suspicious voice called out from behind him. Akaashi turned around. No one. He was being a little paranoid. Maybe it was just a joke. Bokuto was just pranking him. After it was over, Akaashi would get another big fluffy smile from him. Yeah, he'd just assume that. He made his way back to the dorm, the thought of the threat lingering in the back of his mind. He opened the door, the lights were off. He was quick to turn them on before he entered the room. He closed the door behind himself, "Bokuto-san? Are you here?" He checked Bokuto's bed, nope. The bathroom, nothing in there. Well, that meant Akaashi was alone. His mind drifted back to the paper in his backpack. Watch your back. He told himself it was just a joke, just a prank, but he knew he was wrong.

"Great." He thought, " First I get a death threat, and now I'm all alone in my dorm room. " He felt uneasy, although he knew there wasn't, he felt like there was someone there. Akaashi turned around, "There's no way anyone would be-" He couldn't finish the sentence he whispered to himself because some type of figure flew through the closet door, tackling him and pinning him to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yummmm... angst  
> Onto chapter 5!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohohoho Chapter 5?  
> Oh yes.

Akaashi thrashed and kicked and did anything he could to get this thing off of him. It had to be human, he felt th hands, arms, and legs of a human, could this be the one who wrote the note? He was waiting for Akaashi? In his closet? This was the type of situation Bokuto would be able to handle. Akaashi wished that he could be stronger as well. Not only because he wanted to be on Bokuto's level, but he wanted to be strong enough to handle things like this. Akaashi wiggled and thrashed and kicked, squeezing his eyes shut as though he was bracing for impact.  
Akaashi felt as though this was it, time was up for him. Where was Bokuto when you needed him?

Akaashi thought of all the memories in his life. Like when Bokuto always hey hey heyed after every point in one of the games, each hey hey hey getting louder and louder for every point he got. Although he was only able to do that once, because afterward he'd lost his voice for a whole week, so he decided not to do that anymore, just a hey hey hey a few times per game would be okay.

Or the times when Bokuto went into emo mode, and Akaashi was the only one to save him from it. The countless hours dedicated to finding and memorizing every weakness Bokuto had. The wrist cramps from writing so much, the headaches from staying up all night. He had almost given up hope. And although he thinks he has all the weaknesses memorized, there will probably be more later on.

Or the time when Bokuto forced Akaashi into the setter's position because his setter wouldn't practice with him anymore. Because he said it was too much, Bokuto said, hand quoting the last two words. Soon, Akaashi felt addicted to volleyball. He'd practice with Bokuto every day, waiting to be invited to the team. Bokuto always smiled at Akaashi at the end of the practice, he gave Akaashi one of the smiles that made him feel warm inside, like he was wrapped in warm blankets. He'd kept practicing with Bokuto until he felt like he couldn't take it anymore. He'd walked up to Bokuto after they finished his spiking and said: Bokuto-san, can I join the volleyball team? Bokuto looked up at him, smiling. He jumped onto Akaashi knocking him over. And the rest was a blur.

Akaashi remembered his parents and the time they- ugh, his parents. He was okay with never seeing them and their stupid shed again.  
The time Bokuto was so confused about a math problem, that he ripped the paper into shreds, and Akaashi had to tape it back together. Or when he crumpled up his paper and threw it as hard as he could, hitting Akaashi in the back of the head. Akaashi had heard many apologies that night. He kept having to tell Bokuto that he was fine and that he couldn't possibly get a concussion from a ball of paper.  
Akaashi didn't want to lose all those memories yet, they were so precious to him. He couldn't bare losing them.

Okay. Maybe he was being a tad bit dramatic.

"Calm down Akaashi! Ow! Akaashi - Ow! Akaashi stop!" The figure stood up, holding his back. Oh, Akaashi had heard that voice before, in fact, Akaashi knew that voice all too well. "Geez Akaashi, that hurt!" Bokuto whined. "Well if you warned me before, I wouldn't have thought you were some type of murderer or something Bokuto-san." Akaashi replied. "That's the whole point of the element of surprise though!" Akaashi sighed.

"Bokuto-san, first of all, the lights were off, so I thought you'd gone to hang out with Kuroo or something. Second of all, why did you tackle me? What made you feel the need to hide in the closet and jump on me?" Bokuto scrunched up his face, "Well I'm sorry for wanting to have a little fun for once. I did all my homework all by myself so I wanted to have some fun. Excuse me for being a little proud of myself. " Akaashi suddenly felt bad he'd been so focused on the threat he'd gotten, that he'd totally forgotten about Bokuto's homework, "Boku-" "It's fine, forget it, let's just, go to bed okay? We need to get lots of sleep if we wanna do good in practice tomorrow." Bokuto flicked off the lights. Why didn't Akaashi expect this. No homework to do, Bokuto didn't need help, obviously, something was up. Akaashi would never be able to have a nice, peaceful day. It wasn't very fair. The lights were off, why couldn't Bokuto wait for Akaashi to get in bed. Why didn't he wait? Akaashi had never told him to, but he always waited back then, why didn't he wait this time? 

Akaashi froze, it was pitch black, again. Not only was he worried about the darkness, but now he was worried about the potential killer waiting for him in the darkness. Bokuto bumped into him, making him jump, "Akaashi what are you doing? Go lay down! What? Are you afraid of the dark or something?" " No! N-no. S-sorry Bokuto-san, g-goodnight. " Akaashi felt around himself, trying to find his bed. He swung his hand back, karate chopping Bokuto in the gut. 

"What was that for, stupid Akaashi?!" Bokuto held his stomach, "S-sorry Bokuto-san, it -it's hard to see in the d-dark." Akaashi put his hands forward, walking in the direction of the bathroom. "What do you mean? I can see perfectly fine!" Bokuto put his hand on Akaashi's shoulder, "See you're right here." Akaashi could probably see in the dark if he wanted to, but he couldn't open his eyes. He didn't want to. Akaashi ran into a wall, wincing and rubbing his forehead. He turned into the direction of Bokuto's bed and fell down onto it with a plop. Bokuto tried as hard as he could to keep from bursting out laughing. He snorted to cover up what would've been a huge laughing fit. Akaashi heard it, "Bokuto-san stop laughing at my pain." He felt around the bed, he felt snacks under the covers, definitely Bokuto's. He turned in the direction he thought was right, but was really left, and headed forward. Running into the door. Bokuto stood there, watching Akaashi run into wall after wall. He felt bad, Akaashi probably had a headache by now. He grabbed Akaashi's hand, leading him to his bed, "T-thanks Bokuto-san" Akaashi told the curtains. Bokuto was glad Akaashi couldn't see him right now, he was scarlet. His face was heating up, he was holding Akaashi's hand. It felt right, for some reason, like two matching puzzle pieces. Before Akaashi could feel him warming up, Bokuto let go of Akaashi's hand and jumped into his own bed. Akaashi laid in bed, his face a light shade of pink. " Bokuto's hand was so warm and soft, it felt so right." he thought, "I didn't want to let go." With that, Akaashi drifted off into a light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mhmmmm.... so fluffy  
> Chapter 6, let's get on to it shall we...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this??? ANOTHER CHAPTER? WOOOOWWWWW!!!!!  
> Enjoy!

Akaashi dreamed, he dreamed of the darkness. Like the shed. It was so dark. He hated the dark. But this wasn't the shed. It didn't smell like rust and rotting wood. It didn't smell like anything. He heard footsteps. It sounded like two people, one set with louder footsteps than the other, the sound kind of dull. It sounded almost familiar. The second sounded like clicks, as though the person was wearing heels, or tap dancing shoes. For some odd reason, these also sounded familiar. The footsteps became louder, closer, closer. Akaashi backed up, feeling the space behind him as he went. He soon felt a wall, it was.cold. It felt like concrete. Akaashi had nowhere to go. The footsteps got closer, and closer, and closer, until he felt the two almost right in front of him. Akaashi didn't look up, he couldn't. He knew exactly who they were. He knew. He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. He knew exactly what was going to happen next. The one with the louder footsteps was the one who was going to do it, because that was how it always ended. As Akaashi expected, the man lunged at him.

"Akaashi wake up! How are you not waking up?" Bokuto poked at Akaashi's face. Akaashi sat up, "Bokuto-san what time is it?" Akaashi asked. Bokuto turned his head toward the clock, "It's 2:46 in the morning." Akaashi sighed, "So what's up? Do you need me for something?" Bokuto stood up, sitting next to Akaashi on his bed, "no, not really." Akaashi yawned, he didn't care that Bokuto woke him up, in fact, he was kind of grateful. Bokuto had technically saved Akaashi from a lot of his nightmare. He didn't have to experience most of the worst part. "Why did you wake me up then?" He asked Bokuto. "Because you scared me Akaashi! You were like, thrashing around and..and," Bokuto looked terrified. "Are you okay?" Bokuto asked, on the brink of tears. "Yes Bokuto-san, I'm perfectly fine." Akaashi said, plastering a smile on his face. "Stop it Akaashi! Just stop!" Bokuto screamed, grabbing Akaashi by the shoulders, "Stop pretending like your okay! Stop hiding your emotions from me! You know you can tell me anything, right?" His voice cracked. Akaashi knew by now he was crying . He realized the lights were on, how long was Bokuto trying to wake him up? Bokuto's grip tightened, "I thought you trusted me! If you did, you'd be telling me what was going on! And don't say nothing, because what you just did, thrashing around in bed, looking as scared as you did, that's not nothing Akaashi!" Bokuto weakened his grip, "Why won't you tell me? Why do you keep torturing me with your fake smiles?" He said softly, tears running down his cheeks, " Is it me? You always have that poker face on Akaashi. Have I ever seen one of your real smiles? " Akaashi shook his head. Bokuto's tears fell faster, creating a puddle on Akaashi's bed. Akaashi himself had never even seen one of his own real smiles. He pulled Bokuto into a hug, not wanting him to see his own tears flowing down his face.

Bokuto shook as he sobbed into Akaashi's shoulder, unaware that Akaashi was crying as well. Akaashi tried his best not to shake as well. He was petrified. Bokuto yelled at him, and he could only answer with a shake of his head. He didn't realize how much pain he was causing Bokuto until now. That caused him to cry harder. He wanted to stop crying, he didn't want Bokuto to see him while he was vulnerable. He never wanted anyone to see him while he was vulnerable. The memory of Bokuto yelling at him repeating over and over in his head wasn't very helpful either. Bokuto was the one to push away from the hug first, "No!" Akaashi thought, "I haven't stopped crying yet." He pulled Bokuto tighter. "Akaashi, I thought I told you to stop hiding your emotions from me. " 

"How?" Akaashi questioned, Bokuto showed him the back of his shirt, soaked with Akaashi's tears. He blushed, of course, he'd forgotten about that. Bokuto wiped the tears from Akaashi's puffy eyes. "Akaashi you know I'll always be there for you, right? You can trust me with anything, you know that." A sob escaped from Akaashi's lips as Bokuto, this time, pulled him into a hug. "I'll always be there for you, no matter what. No matter how old we are, no matter how mean you might be to me, just remember, I'll always be there for you." Bokuto squeezed him tighter, "And I will hug you for as long as you need me to, just tell me when you feel better, okay?" Akaashi nodded, unable to speak without crying harder.  
Akaashi and Bokuto stayed in their hug until 4:00, "Thank you Bokuto-san, I feel a lot better now." Akaashi told him. Bokuto nodded, secretly planning on when he'd ask Akaashi out. Akaashi walked into the bathroom, "Bokuto-san, I'm going to take a shower, okay?" Bokuto gave him a thumbs up as he closed the door. He jumped and belly flopped onto his bed, blushing. He'd hugged Akaashi for almost 2 whole hours. He wondered if Akaashi would still hide his emotions from him anymore. He hoped not. 

The rest of the day went by in a breeze. Akaashi returned back to the dorm with, yet again, no homework, which he found oddly suspicious. Maybe it was a no homework type of week. Akaashi went to bed before Bokuto got back from his evening practice. Akaashi told Bokuto he didn't feel like practicing that night. And he was telling the truth. To be honest, he felt kind of queasy. He knew he wasn't sick though, he just felt sick, he felt like he was being chased, and no matter how tired he was, he couldn't stop running away. He got another note. Was it a bully? Some jealous person? He remembered having a lot of people jealous of him in grade school. He was asked out every day. No matter how many times he declined, they still asked. 

Akaashi felt like crying again. Why was he receiving notes all of a sudden? And why was this person doing this? Akaashi closed his eyes, remembering what the note said:

Why are you still alive? You'll never be strong so just give up.

Akaashi saw that the note this time, was in different handwriting. Less scratchy and lighter. Did that mean he had more than one person to deal with? Akaashi wasn't worried. Although the message itself was horrible and hurt Akaashi, as long as he had Bokuto with him, he would be okay. 

He decided not to tell Bokuto about the notes he'd been getting. It felt wrong, but he didn't want Bokuto to go out looking for the note writer(s), just in case they were dangerous. He kept the notes in one of his folders, between his math worksheets. He couldn't hide them in the dorm, because Bokuto could find them. His folder was the best place for them.

A couple weeks passed, and soon, it was already September, Bokuto's birthday month. His birthday was on the 20th, leaving Akaashi with 2 weeks to find him a present. By now Akaashi had been given 13 notes telling him how worthless he was, and that he should kill himself. For some reason, Akaashi felt as though he was starting to agree with them. 

Over the past weeks, Bokuto had avoided Akaashi completely. Akaashi began to feel lonely, isolated. He laughed, for a second, he thought, maybe, that Bokuto was actually his friend. Akaashi knew that was what happened when he tried to make friends, but he thought he could trust Bokuto. He was wrong.  
Akaashi walked to the store, looking for something Bokuto would enjoy. As he walked by one of the shelves, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It seemed like something Bokuto would like. A wooden owl statue. Akaashi felt it, so many curves and divets. Whoever made this must've been pretty good at wood carving. 

On his way out, he grabbed some candy bars and a gift bag. He headed back to his dorm shared with Bokuto. Akaashi was sure Bokuto was staying in someone else's dorm, because Akaashi never saw him in the dorm. At least, not his. He unlocked the door and walked inside, not even checking for Bokuto. He knew he wasn't there. Akaashi gathered his materials to create the gift. He put the owl statue in first, spreading candy bars around it. He set it under his bed and laid down. Since Bokuto wasn't there, Akaashi was able to sleep with the lights on. He was a lot more comfortable than he was when Bokuto was in the dorm. Akaashi couldn't help but wonder what Bokuto would get him for his birthday.

Akaashi turned onto his side. Although he told himself he was better off without Bokuto, he knew that it was a lie. He didn't know why he lied to himself so much. Truth was, he wanted Bokuto to come back. To tell him that it was okay and hug him until he felt better. Bokuto promised that he'd be there for Akaashi, no matter what. Why did he expect Bokuto to actually go through with that? After all, it was just another promise. Another broken promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All done with this!! Onto chapter 7!  
> Drink water, eat yum yums, and get sleep!! What time is it right now?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOre?!?!? Well, better get on to reading then, right? Go ahead, I don't mind.  
> Enjoy the story!!

Akaashi laid in bed, wondering where Bokuto was. Kuroo's maybe? Or a teammate. Most likely Kuroo's. The lights were still on, but he knew he'd have to turn them off at 8:00, if.not, then he'd get in trouble. He pushed himself into a sitting position, then put his feet on the cold tile. He stood up, and walked to the lights, taking a deep breath. He closed his eyes as he flipped off the light switch. Putting his arms out in front of him, he began to search for his bed. He ran into wall number one, then wall number two. He didn't have Bokuto here to guide him to his bed. He ran into Bokuto's bed, then the toilet, he was getting nowhere. He decided to open his eyes.

He froze, the memories flooding his head as he stared into the darkness. The shed, mom, dad, the dark. His hunger, the dirt, the bugs, spiders, bees, wasps. The pain. A tear rolled down his cheek. It was horrible. He gasped, realizing he hadn't been breathing the whole time. He had to move. He had to get out of there before they came. He heard loud footsteps, just like the ones in his nightmare. He didn't hear the clicking of the other footsteps.

More tears soaked the collar of his shirt as he realized that it was only the man this time, no woman. Only his dad, mom wasn't there to hold him back. To stop him if things got to out of hand. The footsteps were getting closer and closer. Akaashi had to move, had to hide, before he got here. He was shaking, frozen in place. His body wouldn't do anything he told it to. It was like he was caught up in some sort of trance.

The door to his dorm opened and closed. Akaashi gasped, how did his dad even have a key? His tears, still flowing, had soaked not only the top half of his shirt, but had formed a puddle on the tile in the bathroom. He saw a figure by his bed, lifting the covers as though it was checking on him. The figure's head turned toward Akaashi, then walked towards him.

"Akaashi." It said, with a familiar voice. It started running towards him. As more tears flooded his eyes, all Akaashi could do was raise both of his arms in a defensive way. The figure turned on the lights, "What's wrong Akaashi?" A black and gray haired boy asked. Of course. Bokuto grabbed his arm and carefully pushed it down. He saw the puddle of tears, and his soaked shirt. His red, puffy eyes, and his tears still flowing. 

He pulled Akaashi into another hug. Bokuto hated himself for it, but it was all he could do. He wasn't like Akaashi, he didn't know how to deal with this. He felt the tears soak his shirt once again. Not only Akaashi's tears, but his too. This was the second time he'd seen his best friend have a mental breakdown like this. He didn't understand why, and although he wanted to know, he didn't want to ask, in fear of him having another one.

Was Akaashi hiding his emotions again? He didn't trust Bokuto? He felt Akaashi hug him tighter, the tears increasing. Bokuto began to blush, he knew his friend was having a mental breakdown, but he couldn't help but notice the fact that they were hugging. He felt right. Like he was finally where he was supposed to be, right here in Akaashi's arms. Bokuto, having realized what was really going on, started to become, angry. Was Akaashi crying because of someone? Was he being bullied? He hated the thought of it. Why would anyone hurt someone as perfect and beautiful as Akaashi?

He picked Akaashi up and carried him to his bed. He had to know, Bokuto was going to hunt this person down and beat them until they cried. Until they couldn't stand, heck, maybe he'd kill them. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt Akaashi like this ever again. He didn't want to come back to a crying Akaashi, he wanted to come home to a happy Akaashi. He never wanted to see a single tear come out of one of his beautiful eyes. Not one.

He'd protect Akaashi. He wouldn't let anyone touch him. He'd promised to be there for Akaashi, and he'd keep that promise. He sat down in the bed, Akaashi in has lap, holding onto him for dear life. He rubbed Akaashi's back, repeatedly saying "It's okay Akaashi, you're gonna be okay. I'm right here." Akaashi just hugged him tighter, and by this time, Bokuto's entire shoulder was soaked with more of Akaashi's tears.

Bokuto kept whispering the words until Akaashi's group loosened. Bokuto took Akaashi into his arms, he was asleep, yet tears kept rolling down his cheeks. He could see the tear tracks. Bokuto didn't even know how long Akaashi was crying, he could've been crying for half an hour before he'd gotten there. He could've been crying all day.

Bokuto told himself to ask about this in the morning as he laid Akaashi gently onto his bed. He turned around to go to bed when he felt something tug at the back of his shirt. He turned back around to see Akaashi, his eyes open, fixed on Bokuto's. More tears in his eyes. He held Bokuto's shirt tightly, his knuckles turning white. Bokuto sighed, laying next Akaashi in his bed. He blushed, no, blush wasn't enough. His whole face was red, he was in Akaashi's bed, with Akaashi. Akaashi still held onto the back of Bokuto's shirt, as though he expected him to leave. 

For a whole hour, Akaashi's grip on Bokuto hadn't loosened at all, not even in the slightest bit. Bokuto decided it was for the best, maybe after this, Akaashi would trust him with his emotions. He wouldn't leave Bokuto with a straight face. He'd start smiling and crying. He'd stop building up so much stress and pain that he'd have to deal with later. He looked at Akaashi's face, the tears had finally dried up. He could still see the lines the tears had made when it happened. Bokuto laid his head down and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEll, there the end of that delicious angstyness...  
> What is my life...  
> ONTO CHAPTER 8 HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER HAHAHAHA...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh.. What's this? More words!!!  
> Enjoy!

Bokuto woke up in Akaashi's arms. The back of his shirt still soaked with tears. Had Akaashi been crying all night? He rolled over slightly to look at the clock, 6:00 a.m. He still had a while before practice, although it seemed like Akaashi wouldn't be able to make it. He needed a mental health day anyway. He grabbed Akaashi's arm and pulled on it. Akaashi's grip became tighter. Bokuto turned to see Akaashi's face. His eyes were open, red, he looked half dead. Bokuto had a hard time holding back his tears.  
What had Akaashi been through to get this bad? He looked as if he'd been trying so hard to cry, but couldn't. He'd run out of tears. Had Akaashi always been this sad? Bokuto had never noticed any crying or shaking in Akaashi's bed before, why was he like this now? Well, no matter what was going on, Bokuto was gonna be there for Akaashi. He wasn't going to let Akaashi go through this alone.  
"Akaashi? Come on, can we sit up?" Akaashi nodded, slowly pulling himself upward. Bokuto put his hand on Akaashi's back, hoping to keep him balanced. "Hey, can you tell me why you, well, you.." Bokuto didn't want to say it, he felt like now wasn't the time to mention it, after all, Akaashi still looked so afraid. Akaashi nodded, understanding what Bokuto meant. "Well, it's really hard to talk about, but," Akaashi stated, breathing shakily. "When I was really little, around 4 years old, my parents had lost their lives due to suicide. I wasn't with them, I was in the shed. It was a form of punishment. Only for me." He took a moment to breathe, gripping the comforter. 

"I had a twin brother once, for around 5 seconds. He didn't make it. He was really sick, and he died only a few seconds after he came out. He was a fairly sized baby, while I was small. The normal size, but I was very thin. My parents had wanted the other baby, because he was bigger. He looked healthier, he looked better overall. So when they found out that I was the only one to make it, they were furious. They went on and on about how I didn't deserve to live and, and" the memory came back. The footsteps, the darkness, the pain. Why? He tried to escape, but they always found him.  
Bokuto didn't hesitate to pull him into a hug, rubbing his back, whispering the usual words into his ear. Akaashi started back up again, " They wanted me to pay for what I did. They took me to a shed once, it was dark, and they locked the doors. They'd leave me there for around an hour before hitting me with sticks and throwing things at me. That's all I'd do everyday. But the day my parents 'killed themselves', they left me in the shed. Apparently, they had planned to kill themselves and leave me with nothing in the shed, hoping I'd die from hunger. " He didn't want Bokuto to know that his parents were still alive. That they were in hiding, but still watching Akaashi. He didn't want Bokuto to go after them.

Akaashi felt tears on his hands, he didn't have to look up to know that it was Bokuto. He'd run out of tears already. "Luckily, that wasn't the case, but before the police found me in the shed, someone else did. I thought they were my parents, but the police later informed me that it was my aunt and my uncle, and that my parents had ordered them to beat me after they died. And that was what they did. They walked toward me. I felt pain immediately. By the time the police had gotten there, they told me I was in critical condition. They grabbed my aunt and uncle, then began hooking me up to tube after tube after tube."

Many of Akaashi's secret fears were related to this incident. He didn't even know how many he had anymore, he'd lost count. "They said I'd lost almost a gallon of blood. There wasn't one spot on my entire body that wasn't bruised. None of my bones were broken, nothing more than the bruises. They hadn't hit my face once though. It was the only part of my body without bruises. " Akaashi had finished the horrible story. Although he had barely scratched the surface on what really happened. He'donly told Bokuto about the main events, he didn't want Bokuto to be any more worried than he already was.

Now Bokuto's front was also soaked with tears. He'd always believed that Akaashi was perfect. That he'd had the perfect life, with a nice family, a nice house, he'd believed Akaashi had everything. They'd been friends for a whole year, and Akaashi never told him anything about his life. Bokuto was always too focused on himself, rather than asking his friend how he felt. "Are you okay? Be honest." Akaashi shook his head, burying himself deeper into Bokuto's chest. Bokuto held Akaashi as he got up. He looked around the room for a water bottle. 

He walked over to his volleyball bag, digging through it until he felt his spare water bottle, and brought it up to his chest. "Just a little drink okay? Just a little one. You need water." A little hesitant at first, Akaashi raised his mouth to the water bottle. He took a small sip before he turned away from it. "Can crying make you sick?" Bokuto thought, he sat Akaashi onto his bed before preparing his volleyball gear and heading towards the gym.  
Akaashi awoke, memories from the night before flooding into his head. "I had a panic attack and then I... " Akaashi buried his face in his hands. "I latched myself onto Bokuto-san and I didn't let go for the whole freaking night." Akaashi began to blush. Why was he okay with it, why was he happy? He was straight, but he cuddled with a guy! Straight guys don't do that. He was still straight though, even if he cuddled with Bokuto. Because it was an accident. He didn't do it on purpose. Plus, he didn't even have any romantic feelings for Bokuto. 

Akaashi took his face from his hands and smiled. "That's all, it was just an accident. I didn't cuddle with Bokuto-san on purpose." He grabbed his pillow and pushed his face into it as far as he could. "Then why was I happy? Why was I okay with it?" He got up, deciding to leave that question until he could find the answer. As he made his bed, he saw something bright out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see Bokuto's gift bag on the ground, out from under the bed. "So he found it." Akaashi cursed at himself for not finding a better spot to hide it.

He grabbed the gift bag. It was a rainbow, he hadn't even noticed. He just grabbed the first bag he saw, then he left the store. "Looks like I'll have to find something new to give him." He pulled the owl out of the bag and set it on Bokuto's desk. It looked good there, almost like it belonged there. He grabbed new clothes for the day and stepped into the bathroom for a cold shower. He stepped out, pulled his clothes on, and began his day. 

First task: Cleaning the room.

Akaashi gathered all of the objects on the floor and began putting them in their proper places. Laundry, desk, bed, laundry, laundry, trash, trash, trash, trash, trash, laundry. Until everything was where it was supposed to be. He looked at the floor, layered with dust, dirt, and probably every other existing germ in the world. He went over to the closet and pulled out a broom. There was one in every dorm. So many brooms. He began to sweep up all of the dirt, dust, and every other possible thing. He swept over the same spot at least seventeen times before going to the next.

After his first task was done he sat on his bed, wiping his forehead as though he'd just done so much work. He laid back on his bed, taking a minute to soak in last nights happenings. He'd been trying to avoid the thought of cuddling with Bokuto. But he couldn't deny the fact that he'd enjoyed it. Even if he was having a mental breakdown. Akaashi wanted to find a reason other than the obvious reason. One that made more sense. Think, think, think. Why were you cuddling with Bokuto? Because he was comforting you after you had that panic attack. Akaashi snapped his fingers. "Bokuto-san only cuddled with me to make me feel better, and I only cuddled with him because I was sad and I needed something to make me feel better." 

His excuse had finally been made. Although, he couldn't help but feel disappointed, because, deep down, he wanted it to be more than that. As much as he tried to deny it, he really wanted Bokuto to love him too. He sat up, shaking the thought out of his head and refilling it with a new thought, task number two.

Second Task: Laundry and Volleyball

Akaashi looked at the clock, volleyball didn't start yet, the only one who'd be there by now would be Bokuto. He had thirty minutes. He snatched up the laundry basket, then ran down to the laundry room and stuffed it into a washer. Akaashi set the time limit as 25 minutes, then started it. He ran back up, set the laundry basket back where it was, and began readying his volleyball gear. He'd already put on his shirt and shorts, now all he needed was kneepads, shoes, and maybe a protein bar.

A dollar in pocket, he made his way to the vending machine, pushing the dollar in, and receiving a bar. He opened it and started back towards his dorm. It was almost time for the laundry to be done. He laid on his bed after finishing his protein bar. It was chocolate, and honestly pretty good. He'd have to get it more often. He walked into the bathroom and brushed his curly hair. It was really tangled, he didn't remember the last time he'd taken care of it. He shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a rubber band. He had a lot of hair, and since he couldn't cut it right now, he'd just have to put it up.

After putting his hair into a small curly ponytail on the top of his head, he remembered the laundry. It should've been done around a minute ago. Akaashi was behind schedule. He grabbed his volleyball bag and boosted out of his room. After switching the wet clothes to the dryer, he'd decided to just grab the laundry after practice. He wouldn't be able to put it away anyways. Into the club room, pull on kneepads, shoes, then into the gym. Before entering the gym, he poked his head in. The volleyball team was gathered around one of the poles. Akaashi wasn't sure as to why, but he wanted to find out. He took a small step, "He doesn't even like me!" Bokuto cried, "I-I don't even know what I'm supposed to do." Akaashi's eyes grew wide, was he talking about Kuroo? I wish he was talking about me. Wait what? Akaashi sighed, although he wanted to know why Bokuto was crying, he didn't want to eavesdrop to find out. He walked away, then looped around and began towards the gym door, knocking so they knew he was there.

He waved to the other teammates. Their eyes became wide as they realized he was there. They began trying to act natural while also trying to cover Bokuto. Akaashi thought it was funny, they were all just kind of leaning on the pole in such awkward positions that didn't look even the slightest bit natural. "Nice ponytail" Akaashi covered a laugh with a cough. He wanted to see how far they'd go to make sure Bokuto was unseen. "Hey, where's Bokuto-san?" He asked, trying to hold back his laughter as his teammates kept scrambling around "naturally". It was pretty tough.  
" Uhh, I think he's, oh wait, actually, I forgot my water bottle in the club room, can you go get it for me? " Ooh, nice one, and Bokuto was going to be gone when he got back, right? He didn't want to end it yet. "Um, yeah, I will, but, do any of you guys know where Bokuto-san is, I'm kind of looking for him right now." For some reason, Akaashi felt extra evil today. Like he wanted to be annoying. "Yeah he's probably out there somewhere, but he's not in here." Akaashi shrugged his shoulders. He could tell that his teammates weren't going to budge, so he left to grab the water bottle.

After searching for 5 minutes, he'd found no such water bottle. He'd checked every locker, every corner, everywhere in the bathroom too. Where was it? Akaashi scratched his chin. "He did say it while he was covering up Bokuto-san, so it could've been an..." Akaashi smacked his forehead, of course it was an excuse! Why did he fall for that? He was out of it today. He stomped out of the club room. "Why did I fall for that? Was I so busy thinking about Bokuto-san? Come to think of it, we don't even keep the water bottles! They stay in the gym!" Akaashi whispered to himself, "I was so distracted by Bokuto-san that I couldn't even think straight." Straight , huh?

He stepped back into the gym, and, surprisingly, Bokuto was there. He looked all cheery like usual, but Akaashi could tell it was fake. "Bokuto-san are you all right?" Akaashi walked up to him. Bokuto nodded, that wasn't enough for Akaashi, "Come on, what's wrong? I can tell there's something wrong, you can tell me." Akaashi looked closer at his eyes. He could see the redness, and the blotches. The tear tracks too. "I'm fine Akaashi, okay? Nothing's wrong with me! Stop acting like you know how I feel. " Bokuto turned and angrily stomped away. Akaashi felt the phrase repeat itself in his head over and over before he really understood what had just happened, "So he didn't like me after all. It was Kuroo." Akaashi thought. He felt...well, he didn't really know how he felt. He felt like he wanted to scream and cry. Like he just wanted to curl up and cry forever. He didn't like this feeling. The feeling of his entire heart being squeezed and torn. The tears were hard to hold back.

What had happened to his promise? To always be there? He'd broken it once, but he'd fixed it. Now he'd broken it again, and Akaashi had the feeling he wasn't going to fix it this time. He was abandoned again. He hated the feeling of abandonment, Bokuto knew that, but he didn't care. Because he didn't love Akaashi. Akaashi felt his hands shaking, soon the tears would come, he'd have to get out soon. He looked at the team, all comforting Bokuto as if Akaashi was the mean one. "So even the team hates me, huh? Then they probably wouldn't care if I disappeared." He whispered to himself as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm, sorry." He said.

He turned and ran out the doors if the gym, refusing to hear the calls coming from behind. All the way to his dorm Akaashi ran as if he was being chased. Of course, he wasn't. He entered the room. Crying as he packed his important things into a suitcase. Leaving would be a perfect present for Bokuto, right? He wouldn't have to deal with a messed up depressed loser like himself. Still, Akaashi had to get the weight off his chest. He had to make sure Bokuto knew what he'd just found out. Akaashi grabbed a slip of paper, and decided to write it down rather than confront him about it.

'Dear Bokuto-san,  
I thought, before I left, I'd give you this note. Just to let you know what I'd recently found out. I like you, and not just as friends, but more. I know you probably hate me because you're with Kuroo and I'm just being stupid about this. But yeah, I like you. I just thought that I should get this off my chest before I leave. I know you don't like me back, but, I just want to feel lighter so I'm writing this mainly for myself if that helps. Anyway, I hope you and Kuroo have a great life together. I wish you the best for your relationship. And that's it.

-Akaashi

There was a loud bang at the door that almost made Akaashi jump out of his shoes. He quickly escaped down the rope ladder before they could get in. Then he ran, he wasn't quite sure where he was running, but as long as he got away before they could get in, it was fine. He ran to his old house, where he delivered all of his valuables before running farther. He'd postponed it long enough. He had no future, no friends, no one, only someone who wanted him to die. 

Akaashi felt tears make their way down his face as he ran. "I guess that note writer's gonna get exactly what he wanted. Huh?" Akaashi said to himself . He stopped running for a moment, catching his breath. His tears wouldn't stop falling down, making a puddle where he stood. If he wanted to die so badly, then why was he scared? Why did he want to go back? Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was fast!!!!  
> When did you get so good at reading?  
> You drank some of that good ole hydration juice today right?  
> You better have, no lying! Drink water! Eat food! Get sleep! IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!  
> Onto chapter 9...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that bruh moment when you totally forget about all of your responsibilities bc a global pandemic decided to shove it's way into your life?  
> Me too.  
> lol enjoyyyy!!!!

Bokuto shoved through the crowd of teammates in front of his and Akaashi's room. After unlocking it, he slammed the door open, leaving a small dent in the wall where the doorknob had hit. He searched the room up and down, only finding a small note laying on the floor by Akaashi's desk. He bent down and picked it up, reading the note many times over. He didn't understand what Akaashi meant. Him? With Kuroo? He should've told Akaashi, he should've told the truth. Akaashi liked him? More than friends? Why didn't he just tell him? Bokuto fell to the ground.  
One of his teammates picked up the note, they began murmuring and pointing. Bokuto couldn't hear the words, he could only hear faint sounds. Whispers, he could hear talking, but he couldn't hear the words. They were probably talking about how it was Bokuto's fault. If he hadn't snapped at Akaashi, or kissed Kuroo, then Akaashi wouldn't have left. "Suicide note." A what? It felt like his lungs had stopped working.  
A suicide nite? That came out of nowhere! Who said that? Was it a suicide note? But Akaashi only said he was leaving, not that was going to kill himself. Was he going to kill himself? He couldn't breathe, it felt like he was slowly drowning in his very own tears. Why did Akaashi want to kill himself? Bokuto thought about all of the talks he'd had with Akaashi, about his family and his fear of the dark.  
He remembered cuddling with Akaashi that night. He felt like he'd finally found a matching piece, he thought that Akaashi was really the one. Now he's gone, and it's all Bokuto's fault. He looked around the room, the teammates were all huddled around the window now. Did he jump out the window? Is Akaashi's dead body sitting outside the window? The drop isn't far enough to kill, he would know. He'd fallen out of the window one too many times, and had arrived back in the room without a single scratch. Okay, maybe a small scratch or two, but that was besides the point. There was no way Akaashi could be dead, right? Many scenarios filled Bokuto's head. Where could he be? Is he already dead? Does he hate me? What if he is dead? Should I go look for him? Where is he? Where is Kuroo? Why can't I breathe?  
He felt a hand on his back, "Hey, calm down bud, it's okay, we'll find him." He turned around to find Kuroo above him. All Bokuto could do was nod as he was pulled to his feet by Kuroo. "But in order to find him, you need to come with us." He grunted, as Bokuto had put his full weight on Kuroo. Once Bokuto was able to stand, he nodded once more, walking towards the door shakily. Kuroo stuffed the note in his pocket and placed himself under Bokuto's arm, helping him out of the room. "Kenma's waiting in the car." He stated as they walked down the hall.  
Bokuto nodded, it seemed like that was all he could do right now. He felt weak, Akaashi was going to kill himself and Bokuto could barely stand. He wouldn't even be up if it weren't for Kuroo. "Hey," Kuroo said in a serious tone, Bokuto looked toward him in surprise. He'd never actually seen Kuroo get very serious, even in games and practice matches. He was always a really fun guy to be with, almost never this serious. This is the first time he'd ever heard Kuroo this serious, and he'd already hoped he'd never have to hear it again.  
"Don't go thinking this was your fault. I know exactly how you are, anytime something bad happens you immediately blame it all on yourself. It's not just your fault, it's not just anyone's fault. We all played a part in this, you, me, the teachers, the other students, your teammates, my teammates, everyone. Nobody played a bigger role than another, we all played the same role." " his parents. " "What?" " His parents! " His parents made him sad, you can't say that nobody played a bigger role when I know his parents did! " Kuroo looked really surprised, Bokuto looked down, embarrassed. "If it wasn't really my fault, then it was his parents. They were so mean to him! They did bad things to him, really bad things. I know a lot of the reason of this was me, and you're just trying to be nice and stuff, but don't go and say that everyone played an equal role when you don't what's really affected him! They were bad people Kuroo, they were really bad, and I'm not saying I didn't cause this at all, but don't compare us to those people, don't say that we played an equal role in this when they hurt him so much more! Everyone affected him in different amounts, no one had equal roles! We hurt him more than everyone else because he saw what we were doing and we didn't tell him the truth! I affected him more because I kept avoiding him and snapping at him! I kept making him deal with my poor decisions and I made him help me study! I stressed him out a lot, and he didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on in his life until now! I played a major role in this, and so did his parents, so don't tell me that we all affected him equally when we didn't!"  
Kuroo just stared at Bokuto, his mouth wide open. Bokuto had really been affected by this. He looked around, they were in the parking lot, Kenma was coming towards them. Cautiously, though, he didn't want to startle Bokuto, he was pretty upset right now. Kuroo nodded his head towards him, telling him to come on and help. Kenma placed himself under Bokuto's other arm, and they both carried the crying boy to the car.  
Kuroo sped out of the parking lot, driving down the road. Akaashi couldn't have gotten too far, the teammates had found the letter around 7 minutes ago. Of course, Akaashi could've had this all planned out already. But according to the events that had led up to the letter, he'd seriously doubted that idea. "Hey bro, any idea where Akaashi could've gone?" Not that it mattered much, considering it probably wasn't a planned suicide, so he probably just try to find a random spot. "No." He sniffled, as Kuroo had expected. There were no places to look, but maybe driving around would do the trick.  
He pulled out his phone, calling all sorts of people, anyone he could think of, as long as they were friends they were trusted. His parents, his team, Akaashi's team, Karasuno, anyone. He wouldn't call the police, he didn't need this to be all over the news. Besides, having 3 strong and capable volleyball teams were more than enough to find him, right? He began driving down an older looking road. The houses over here weren't quite as nice, and it wasn't a very lively part of the neighborhood. It seemed deserted, absolutely silent other than the sound of his car driving down the road.  
He looked back at Bokuto, he didn't look good. He was slumped over, looking down at.the floorboards of the car. He was slightly shaking, but Kuroo couldn't tell if it was from the car or something else. He could see the tears still falling from his eyes, and his nose was running. Bokuto slowly moved his head up to make eye contact with Kuroo. His heart stopped, never in his life had Kuroo seen Bokuto's eyes look so empty, so lifeless. It was like he'd already died and he was looking it his corpse. Like he was looking into the eyes of a dead person.  
They looked dead, he looked dead. He couldn't stop staring. The color in his eyes was there, but it wasn't THERE. Like it was only there because it had to be. His usual smile was replaced by a straight line that didn't belong there. He stared further into the eyes of his best friend, only to find nothing. No trace of feeling, nothing, just emptiness. He began to panic as he realized that his best bro was slowly dying in his back seat. His tears were threatening to fall as he stared desperately into his best friend's eyes, looking for anything. A sliver of feeling, a sign to show him that he wasn't gone yet. Yet he found nothing, no sliver of feeling, no sign that his friend was going to be okay. He didn't even notice he'd let go of the steering wheel until Kenma had yelled his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooohhhhhhhh don't we absolutely looove cliffhangers!!!  
> Food water and sleep, you better be getting it!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhh it's the last chapterrrr!!!!!  
> I can't believe it's already over!!😭😭

Kuroo jerked his head around, he'd totally forgotten about the car. Had he been too focused on Bokuto that he didn't notice what was going on around him? How could he be so irresponsible? They were here to find Akaashi, and he couldn't do something as simple as driving a car. He braced himself, prepared for the worst, but all he felt was the car slowly coming to a stop. He opened his eyes and removed his arms from in front of his face. Wait, wasn't he the one driving? Why was Kenma driving now? What happened? 

Kenma looked so mad, like someone had stolen his game from him. He turned toward Kuroo, his eyes were filled with rage. He could feel Kenma's eyes burning holes in his skin. All he could do was stare back, wait for Kenma to attack, and try not to die. "Kuroo? Come on, look." Kenma half screamed, half whispered. He was pointing toward the window, probably to something out there, Kuroo guessed. "Is it Akaashi?" Kuroo asked as Bokuto burst into tears, opening the door and running to the edge of the bridge. Kuroo began opening his door, and only had one foot out before Kenma yanked him back into the car.

"Owww!! Kenma? What?" Kenma simply shushed Kuroo, pointing out the window once again, to the scene that was unfolding before them. "Ohh, you want me to watch?" Kenma nodded, .and like a dog, Kuroo obeyed, it was scary when Kenma got like this. Situations like these rarely happen, but when they do, Kuroo makes sure to stay on Kenma's good side. The only one whose ever been affected by this was Lev, because he was always on Kenma's bad side. 

Kuroo watched as Bokuto gave Akaashi a bear hug from behind. It was actually a very cute scene if you didn't consider the fact that Akaashi was about to jump off a bridge. He watched as Akaashi slowly gave into the affection, and he watched as Bokuto hugged him even tighter. He pulled out his phone and opened the camera, he had to get a picture of this. Kenma covered the lens and pushed the phone down. "Augh, the AUDACIT-" He protested, only to be met with the most demonic pair of eyes he'd ever seen. 

He felt like he was staring right into the eyes of Satan himself. The only thing he could decipher from them was murder. He began to sweat, a lot, careful not to make a single move, for even the slightest twitch may be the end of him. He just stared into those murderous eyes until they turned back to the window. He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath. Kenma could be so adorable, but he was also the literal spawn of Satan if wanted to. Not wanting to awake the demon once more, Kuroo moved to the back seat instead. Kenma reached his hand out with a grabbing motion, Kuroo pulled the phone from his pocket and placed it (gently) in Kenma's hand.

He watched through the window as Bokuto and Akaashi sar on the side of the road and talked. He was so curious to hear what they were saying, but Kenma would totally kill him if he'd tried to listen. So, he'd just have to sit there and watch...

And watch...

Watch a little longer...

They'll be done soon...

Anytime now...

They will be done...

In a few...

Zzz...

By the time Bokuto and Akaashi had come back, both Kuroo and Kenma had fallen asleep. Of course, Kenma decided to be nice enough to lay down with Kuroo, but only because if Bokuto and Akaashi came back, they would need seats. Plus, Kenma couldn't drive while sleeping, at least, not an actual car, on his games though...  
Bokuto drove the car back to the dorms, because, somehow, he knew which ways to go. Once they had arrived in the parking lot, Bokuto turned off the car and gave Akaashi the brightest smiled he'd ever seen. It was brighter than any smile he'd ever seen, "So glad you decided to stay alive, Kaashi." Akaashi returned the smile, though his smiles could never reach the level that Bokuto's did. It was like he'd eaten the sun or something.

Bokuto leaned over and gave Akaashi a small kiss, a very unexpected kiss. Akaashi face turned red, like if you were to compare Kenma's jacket to his face, you wouldn't see a difference. "Come on, let's go!" Akaashi smiled, and opened his own door, stepping out onto the concrete. Everything slowly faded away as he opened his eyes.

He got out of bed, and dragged his feet toward the bathroom. He'd quit volleyball, he'd dropped out of school, when was the last time he'd taken a shower? He pulled his clothes off and stepped in, setting it to the highest possible temperature. It really burned his skin, but he didn't have the energy to turn it down. He washed up, ran a comb through his hair, and put on different clothes.

It was such a hassle, he didn't even know why he had dressed up for this, there wasn't really a point, but still... He grabbed his backpack, and walked. He walked for a while, after all, it was really far from his parents house. He walked and he walked, and he stopped by the store, then he walked some more, until he'd finally arrived. Kneeling down, he placed the flower next to the gravestone, it had been a while. "A whole two weeks!" He said, " A whole two weeks since you jumped, and a whole two weeks since I didn't make it. " He paused, a life without Akaashi was a living nightmare, when was the last time he'd heard that name? Bokuto-san. He missed his face, his voice, his smile, his volleyball skills, his everything.

"Akaashi... Kaashi I can't live without you! It's so hard! I don't wanna live here.. You're not here how am I sposed to be happy? I can't be happy if you're not here! Why? You could've just told me! You could've just..." He'd always said the same thing, every time, he'd always scream the same stupid speech to the same stupid rock with the same stupid flower.

"Look, I know you might not be... happy with this, but. Look, if I can't live without you then I don't want to! Okay? And I know you're gonna be mad at me, but I can't take it down here anymore! I can't and I won't!" He screamed to the sky, pulling the gun out of his backpack. "I don't want..." He sobbed, " I - I don't wanna and so I d - don't have to - o... " He pointed the gun to his head, " 'm sorry Kaashi, I just... I can't. Not without you. " He smiled, tears streaming down his face.

"Y'know, I'd always dreamed of the day we'd get married. The sky would be really blue, and it would have some fluffy white clouds. Like a perfect sky, I wanted the wedding to be somewhere really really pretty. Is it pretty? Is heaven really pretty? We could get married in heaven Kaashi, we could get married in heaven, and we could get married as angels. That would be really pretty, right? I think angels are really cool and pretty. And heaven is probably really really pretty, we should get married there." He cried, "It would be perfect! Because I love you lots and you mean a lot to me. You're so pretty and so nice and you're an angel, a real one!"  
He loaded the gun, "And I really wanna be there with you! We could look at the stars, you can probably see them a lot better from there. We can fly around and have a great time, both of us! Neither one of us would have to be lonely anymore! We could be together Kaashi! I wanna be with you, 'kay?" There was no response, there never was. He looked down at the flower, all covered in the tears he'd cried. This would be the last flower he'd ever give Akaashi, but maybe there were flowers in heaven. Gold ones, silver ones, and white ones, it would be so pretty.

He turned back to the sky, and gave it a bright smile, like he was trying to outdo the sun. "Look, look at me! I really love you Kaashi, so living without you is like living without life! I know that doesn't make sense, but it's true! I wanna see you, I miss you so much, I need to see you. Because I love you more than I love anyone in the world and you're gonna have to deal with it okay? I love you so much and I wanna be with you! So be ready for me, we can throw a party when I get there."  
Bokuto smiled as his finger tugged on the trigger, once, twice, harder. Bokuto heard nothing as he fell to the ground, all he felt was an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I would be glad to take both criticism and compliments lol  
> Next I'll be doing a Haikyuu chat fic, it won't be sad so don't worry! =D


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